“Jugaad / Imposter syndrome”

(My largest piece yet!)
Oil on Canvas, 60″ by 48″
Note: This statement was written during my mechanical engineering undergrad.

Be it professional or personal, imposter syndrome is something we all can relate with. Identity exists as a construct that is built by both the self and their surroundings. But when one’s internal feelings of self are mixed with self-doubt;  a unique un-easiness is found. Acting as an analog for this insecurity, the largest crude drawing is an exaggeration of how I sometimes feel about my efforts when compared to my fellow engineer peers.

Jugaad also has followed me in my painting endeavors. I am currently in a painting level III class, but I feel like I’ve been fooling everyone on my way through these classes. I haven’t had many other art classes and neither took art in my high school, so often I know objectively my technical skill is not where I want it to be. But equally, I know this isn’t true. At some level I know I can make interesting art, and that insecurity is what fuels me to continue painting and improving my abilities. Thus, that’s why the largest stickman is continuing to paint himself but “better”.

But what is better? Is it the 3D rendered man better than the crude drawing itself? The 3D rendered man is based on the original black and white still lives from my painting 1 class. Those few critiques were where I felt the most “imposter” like, and where the drive to improve was most accelerated.

The next stick figure – the smaller, looser painting- is me learning to accept my inherent skills and work on them. I may not have the technical skills I want yet, but that doesn’t mean I have nothing meaning full to say. My style is inherently loose and soft, and I should embrace it, but I’ve only come to this realization by practicing all those still lives.

Equally, my engineering career must follow the same pattern. I know the cure to this insecurity is just experience. Once I gain more experience in the workforce, I hope to be more at peace with the feeling of being an “imposter”. But till then, I must learn to use this insecurity to help me improve instead of letting it slow me down.

Prototype Jugaad